god and my feelings..

I have recently been going to a great church in tucker,ga..its called rehobeth baptist church and everyone seems so friendly and for the most ive been enjoying it. I have come across alot of feelings of anger and sadness for the loss of my parents here lately and I once upon a time blamed it on my thoughts or what I thought I did wrong in my life with them. I mean my childhood wasnt what I would have liked it to have been but still I managed to move along okay..I just sometimes find myself in situations that shouldnt be a big deal but they turn out to be, I dont know if I just dont get it sometimes and I get mad at myself for not being what I think I should be..It just doesnt make sense to me sometimes unless I think about the issue at hand and try to find the best resolution to it..I dont know if thats what I get from my parents, did they have the same issues? Is it genetic? I just dont know?? I was angry at god for a long time for what happened to me in my life and where god decided to send my mom and dad...I admit I have lots of questions and dont know the answers sometimes..I think that maybe if I start to read the bible and try to understand why god does the things he does, then maybe I will be able to move on better and try to see what god has to offer for me and my life, and maybe start to understand why things happen like they do....It is just so difficult....life is hard, but I think I can do it...well with some help of course...I am working so hard to try to improve myself and maybe god has a plan for me and Its about time for me to step up for the challenge...

obama!!!!

I watched the inauguration today and was pleasantly surprised by all the people and how amazing it truly was. I am excited to see everything obama has to offer and I am proud to say I voted for him and I hope he will do so much that he said he would for our country. It was amazing, i even cried a few times...I cant believe how much it means to have obama as our president!! I know things will change for our economy and have the greatest hope and finally a new president, no bush in this white house...I also love that hillary clinton is on his staff too...It is just so amazing!!!

goals and dreams

So, today was a typical day at work ....and it gave me time to realize how much I know about lowes and how much more I need to focus on other things...I am trying to learn how to cook, and tonite I made dinner and have been trying to help more around the house. I sometimes wonder why I didnt learn some of the common sense like things when I was younger, but in my teens I was often left alone and it was easier, I guess less scary to just go out to eat..This year I am going to break down and do all the things, I have wanted to do...I plan to lose weight..like 50 pounds or more and stick to weight watchers, get healthier- like work on my inner beauty..I want to learn how to cook and know what to do to make things easier, like try to bring some of my good work habits home..I also want to once again focus on school and try to get ready to go to ga southern university for the fall...I am so excited about the opportunities laid in front of me and I cant wait to be the film editor extraordinaire...lol....but really I hope I can do as well as I feel like I need too....I am going to relax when I need too, and work when I need too...life will takes its turns, but I will still be standing..

thoughts about monday

Today is monday and what a day it was, I woke up as usual and thought to myself today is going to be good, everyone is back from vacation at work and there wont be any issues. Well maybe not, I went to the car and it was 32 degrees out...woo...cold!! brrr..To my surprise it was oober cold out ...and my windshield was frozen over, and hmmm I was only 5 minutes late to work...No big deal, lowes is okay with being a few minutes late...well business as usual, or so I thought. My dept was a mess and it seemed like typical chaos until I realized some of my staff damaged several hundred dollars of merchandise and I have done everything in my power to keep things organized..I wonder sometimes If I am too mean with my staff or too nice, am I a good manager? Is it something I keep doing wrong, or do I just have lazy people? I dont know, it went downhill from there and 4pm couldnt come fast enough...I sometimes enjoy it but other times it just makes me so mad...what to do? Lowes pays me good and I for the most part have been able to work through it and I am just so tired of the whole thing...I cant wait till I go back to school and work on my film degree its one of the few goals in my life I have to look forward too...I am so grateful for alot of the things in my life, and my sweetheart as well. He is my rock and helps me so much to get me motivated to get outta lowes....I guess mondays just suck!!! what else can I say, It was a special kinda monday, lowes blows!!