god and my feelings..

I have recently been going to a great church in tucker,ga..its called rehobeth baptist church and everyone seems so friendly and for the most ive been enjoying it. I have come across alot of feelings of anger and sadness for the loss of my parents here lately and I once upon a time blamed it on my thoughts or what I thought I did wrong in my life with them. I mean my childhood wasnt what I would have liked it to have been but still I managed to move along okay..I just sometimes find myself in situations that shouldnt be a big deal but they turn out to be, I dont know if I just dont get it sometimes and I get mad at myself for not being what I think I should be..It just doesnt make sense to me sometimes unless I think about the issue at hand and try to find the best resolution to it..I dont know if thats what I get from my parents, did they have the same issues? Is it genetic? I just dont know?? I was angry at god for a long time for what happened to me in my life and where god decided to send my mom and dad...I admit I have lots of questions and dont know the answers sometimes..I think that maybe if I start to read the bible and try to understand why god does the things he does, then maybe I will be able to move on better and try to see what god has to offer for me and my life, and maybe start to understand why things happen like they do....It is just so difficult....life is hard, but I think I can do it...well with some help of course...I am working so hard to try to improve myself and maybe god has a plan for me and Its about time for me to step up for the challenge...